This afternoon, as is so often the case on Sundays, I had a load of garden waste to take to the dump. So I made my way through the dense coolth of Norwood and Orchards, crossed the main road and the highway that I usually take to school in the mornings, past the two pieces of stone on a hillside that slowly reveal a cross as I drive, and turned into the City Parks Dump.
There was a man I’d never seen before at the gate. He looked to be a little older than I, but with less grey in his hair than I, so I bingelela’d him on the we’re-part-of-the-same-peer-group level:
Sawubona Mfowethu!
His response, though following the usual rules of politeness, was a little stiff. I thought nothing of it, and went to drop off the single bag of lawntrimmings and uprooted chili bushes in the first skip.
On the way out, I valelisa’d too soon and was caught behind a large Audi struggling to remove itself from the perilous gate.
The man took the opportunity to ask me a question
Bangaki abantwana bakho?
how-many-are the-children of-yours?
To which I replied
Bathathu.
they-are-three
And on which, with some surprise, he commented that
Ukhulisile.
You-have-reared-children.
The Audi chose this moment to pull off, so I once again said the usual things and drove off after it.
And only as I was driving off did I wonder why he’d asked me that question. I couldn’t quite figure it out. It seemed like a fairly random followup to our initial punctiliousness.
Until I realised why he’d asked me about my children.
He was checking to see if the umbrage he felt at me not calling him Baba was justified or not. He was checking to see if I had a right to address him as Brother, if I was really a father of children as he was, if we really were on the same peer level.
uMabhengwane 
2 replies on “Baba vs Mfowethu”
Hehehe. I have an interesting but slightly dissimilar tale.
In Tsotsitaal/Isicamtho, we have a number of terms by which we refer to others to express friendship, kinship, and respect.
Words such as “my broer” (from Afrikaans), “mpintshi yami”, (Zulu – pal/buddy, friend) demonstrate friendship and are generally used among peers. “Gazilami” (from Zulu gazi – blood), and “mfethu” (Zulu for ‘brother’) demonstrate stronger ties and more intimate relationship than the aforementioned words.
Other words like:
“abuti” (from Afrikaans slang boet – brother),
“grootman” (Afrikaans – literally “big man”),
and one that’s peculiar to Botswana “Di/brazeni” (probably somehow related to “brother”, and so connoting respect, as an older brother would deserve respect)
connote respect, and varying degrees of it, at that.
For example, “my auti/auti yami/auti yaka” or “abhuti” would be a respectful way to speak to those on the same peer group, and those slightly above.
It would not be appropriate to refer to someone who is significantly older than you as your “auti”. “Grootman” would be more appropriate.
It’s often difficult to guage which of them might be inappropriate to use when addressing others.
For example, “nja yami/ntja yaka” (from Zulu/Tswana – “my dog”) would be a term of endearment when speaking to a close friend, but it might be tricky to call an older friend “nja yami”, even if you’re well-acquainted with one another.
It’s important to recall the nuances of difference between the terms.
Some friends at a pub where I frequently played 8ball pool repeatedly reprimanded me jestfully for referring to them as “magents/majita”. Despite finding its etymology in the English word “gentlemen”, ‘majida’ bears connotations of peership, and is thus inappropriate for a younger man to use with reference to a group of older men.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the beautifully rich comment! This is still one of my favourite bits of social play in South African culture – the way that there is a complex interwoven reality that is entirely circumstantial, and contextually circumscribed, and is like rolling a dice.
It’s like a dance, and knowing the steps is only half the feat – knowing how to dance with different partners is the real trick.
LikeLike